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Dear Self,

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to cry really hard. You don’t know anything about Down syndrome. That perfect white fence you wanted so badly is now painted yellow or blue or purple and that’s okay. You hear the doctor say irregular heart, almond eyes, Down syndrome and what you were told at 20 weeks will be confirmed on her birthday. You’ll look at her and think, she looks like a baby. And you’ll smile because you’ve been told so many negative things during your pregnancy that you forgot that first and foremost, she is a baby. A beautiful, tiny little infant. She’ll conquer open heart surgery at 8 months, she’ll conquer walking and talking. She’ll beat RSV and pnemonia. She’s conquering the world every single day and she’s only three years old.

Ever will surprise you in the most profound ways. You’re future self will look back on this and realize you had it all wrong. Ever will still learn to walk and talk. She will still laugh at jokes and dance her little heart out. She’ll still love going to the zoo and having a sibling. She’ll give you big hugs and kisses and tell you “I love you.” She will still act like every other typical three old with her tantrums, and questions and curiosity. She’ll fill your heart with so much hope and love and excitement that you will forget that on the first day of seeing her, you were scared out of your mind. You will forget how sad you were. You will forget all the terrible things you thought you’d never get to share because those thoughts were in fact, false.

Dear self, you now know that you would not change a single thing about her. She is absolutely perfect. Her clear blue almond eyes, her button nose, her petite frame, her perfect little fingers and sweet little ears. You’ve fallen madly in love with her. She will hold your hand and caress your hair and snuggle right in, so perfectly. She’ll make you laugh with her “snapping” fingers while making clicking noises with her mouth. She’ll make you laugh with her sassy ways. You’ll be in awe of her sign language and her “reading”. So don’t worry, she’s doing it and you’re just along for the ride…and it’s a wild one.

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