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Dear Self,

I know that you were worried about this baby having Hirschsprung’s disease because Jarod was born with it and it was such a scary time after he was born. I know that you just decided to trust God that this time, it would be ok.
And yet, here you are, having this baby 2 months early and you are scared again…and now you are hearing the words, “We believe your daughter may have Down Syndrome” and you feel blindsided.
They took her away so fast, you didn’t even get to hold her or REALLY see her. The nurses don’t seem to want to look you in the eye and everyone just seems to feel sorry for you…
You’ve had so much information thrown at you, you just can’t seem to process it all, you just know that something is very wrong and you can’t “fix it”.
You hear and see the other new mothers with their babies – holding them, feeding them, snuggling, taking them home, pso happy…and yet yours is in the NICU and you can’t even hold her or feed her and all you seem to do is cry and worry over so much that is unknown. And you feel so guilty over grieving for a little girl you’re now never going to meet. And you feel that God has left you on your own in this one…

I wish I could tell you it’s ok. That all those feelings are normal – and even  necessary – to move on.
I would tell you that, yes, even though you are scared right now, you are going to be blessed beyond measure! That when you finally get to bring your baby girl home and “normal” life begins, it is going to be an awesome life. You will learn to adapt and overcome.
You are going to meet so many wonderful families over the years  that are going through all that you are going through. You will realize that you and your family are not alone.

Your son is going to grow up being such a protector of his sister with so much patience and compassion in him. And your little girl will think he hangs the moon.

You are going to get to do so many things that you probably never would have even given a second thought to if Down Syndrome hadn’t touched your life. (Buddy Walks, Special Olympics, Polar Plunges, World Down Syndrome Days!!)

You will see your daughter wrap everyone she meets around her little finger. She will light up a room with her smile.
She will cheer, dance, bowl, play baseball, ride a bike, ride a horse, love music, and learn to read and write as she goes to school. She will laugh and joke and have friends. She will show others what it is like to truly love unconditionally, forgive easily, and to always try your best. She will never give up even when something is hard for her.
Yes, she will struggle – and so will you – but oh, how you will celebrate every milestone, big or small!  And you  will learn to appreciate the little things and never take anything for granted.

You will realize that you are stronger and more courageous than you ever thought you could be. Your family will be strong and stick together no matter what and you will realize that God is even bigger than you thought and He has walked with you every step of your journey. You will realize that God also gave you so many people to be a support system – to encourage and support you, to laugh, cry, and celebrate with you. He never left you on your own.

So, it’s ok if you are scared and confused right now. Just know that it will pass and in the future, you will look back at these days and realize there was a purpose, God knew exactly what he was doing when He gave you your precious angel. She completed your family and filled a hole in your heart that you didn’t even know needed filled. Her life will be beautiful. She is a miracle. And you are a better person because of her.

You…you will be just fine!

Love,
Me

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